Relationships 101 – 2019

28/08/2019 0 By Craig D
Relationships 101 – 2019

Social Media

Alot of relationships fail due to “Social Media”. How often have you heard someone say “He / She was messaging people on Facebook” when asked the question why did you seperate.

Well if you are in a relationship that the other person is messaging people on social media, let me tell you they would no doubt cheat on you when on a night out. It is not Facebooks fault that your ex / partner is messaging other people. It is in their mindset that they are not happy in the relationship so they are looking for that happiness or fulfillment elsewhere.

The other thing about social media and the internet is, the simple fact that it makes it so easy to find another relationship or to date other people. It alows you to connect with people anywhere in the world, so this gives the illusion that it is not worth fighting for a someone you love as you can replace them easily.

Remember the grass is not always greener fight for what you love.

Alcohol

This one is my favourite !!

” I did not mean to do it I was DRUNK”

This has even happened to me in the past, using Alcohol as an excuse to try and get away with doing something. Alcohol dose not make you do things you do not want to, it alows you to do the things you want to do but what it also does is block out the repercussions from your subconscious mind.

Be Happy With Yourself

When someone is not happy with themselves they look for other people or situations to blame their unhappiness on. This is because they do not make themselves accountable for their own actions or happiness.

How many times have you heard someone tell you, that they are not good enough for you or that you have made this person the happiest person in the world, This is when the true feelings come out. But when they start going back into the victim mindset they start using their partner as the excuse to why things are not working.

Communication

Their are many ways we can communicate with each other. Not only vocally but we can also do it through out actions and body language.

But the worst thing you can do in any relationship is to not communicate with each other. Holding things inside with cause tension and build up situations in your mind. You will keep repeating the things you want to say to your partner in your own mind and it will make the situation worse and maybe over evaluate the situation.

This is when you become snappy with each other, maybe not sleep in the same beds as each other and just ignore one another when your in the same room together. Letting things out and talking about your feelings is a huge part of a relationship.

Try to set one day aside per week to spend some time with just each other in a neutral place. Go out for food or go for a walk and express your feelings and emotions. But do it in a calm way, do not let it turn into an argument as people should be able to express themselfs without worrying what the other persons reaction will be. As this will have the opposite desired effect. For example if everytime you tell your partner something and they get angry, this will make you clam up more and not express your feelings. As time goes on you will learn to talk to each other and learn to deal with a situation / feeling togehter.

Take & Show Interest

Always take and show interest in your partner’s job, hobby and life. Show them that you care about the things they do in life.

There was a point in my life where my wife would come home from work and I would ask her how her day has been. She would spend maybe 15 – 30 minutes telling me about the problems in work or how she was always running the business on her own etc, I am surprised the company managed without her. But when she finished talking I was waiting for her to ask me how my day went, but that question never came.

So I asked her once why she never took interest in my work or my hobbies and she said they “bored her”. She did not realise that I was not interested in listening to her talking for 30 minutes about her job but i listened so I could show compassion or interest in her life. Always take interest in what your partner is doing. Make them feel like you enjoy their conversations.

The Time You Spend

You should always be able to have time to yourself in a relationship. BUT when the other person would rather spend more time with other people than you, then there is something wrong.

I was once in a relationship where my wife would want to go out every single weekend than stay at home or do things with the family. It felt to me that she was still in the mentality of being single or living that lifestyle. For example, when we first meet it was in a nightclub, years after we got together she wanted to start working at the nightclub again. The only reason that she wanted to get a job in the nightclub again was to get attention and to live the lifestyle of a single woman.

We did not need the money at the time, plus the money and the hours she worked was not that great. This boils back down to one of the points I made above about not being happy with herself. She wanted the attention to make her feel more happy with herself.

You Are Not Doing It All

How many times have you heard your freind saying, “They do not help me at all in the house, I do everything!”

If you sit down and think about something this is probably not the case. It may be the case that the other person keeps on telling you what they are doing or what you are doing wrong, but you do not express that emotion to them.

The only time the other person will realise how much you do for them is if you do seperate and they have their own place, they will realise exactly how much you once did.

So my point here is, take notice on how much other people actually do for you.